Anger Management.

It is very rare that I find myself angry. 

I get frustrated, irritated and exasperated...but rarely....angry.

But lately I've been feeling a major cascade of anger waves. I don't know if I am just over and done with some things or if my frustrations with my own self are manifesting themselves in some serious anger issues. 

I feel very angry with my job. 
When I first started my job, I had no idea it was a start up. I thought I was walking in an easy peasy lemon squeezy receptionist gig and I'd just roll in and roll out and never break a sweat. Little did I know, I was walking into a situation where I spent the first 48 hours I was employed going back and forth between tasking the other members of my office with putting together desks and calibrating equipment to going over detailed contracts with providers. I was talking out of my ass, stressing out, wondering what I'd gotten myself into - all with a smile on my face. 
The providers loved me. The people I worked with and for loved me (my ex-boss maybe a little too much; he was constantly sexually harassing me). I was feeling a satisfaction with my job that I had never felt before. I walked away every evening knowing I had worked really, REALLY hard and accomplished a whole hell of a lot. 
When my second boss came in to replace the first terrible one, I really worshipped her. She knew what she was talking about and while she didn't take all of my work, she took a lot of it. She took the things I had no idea about and taught me. We worked until 7, 8 at night and got so much accomplished that I think even she was surprised. 
I was surprised that she too 100% of the credit, that I never got so much as a thank you, and that since then, I have been basically ignored by everyone in upper management. 

Why did I work my ass off? 
Why did I take that time away from my children and mate?

Less than a year later....after working my rear off, after being verbally abused by one manager, not credited by another and sexually harassed by the first, a position came open that I really thought I'd be perfect for. I really wanted it. 
My fiancee encouraged me. Bought me the most perfect little Calvin Klein dress. Helped me with my resume. Mock interviewed me. I was ready.

And I was not taken seriously at all. I walked into that interview as nothing more than the admin and I left that interview as nothing more than the admin. I was laughed at. All because I don't have a fucking degree and thousands of dollars of student loans from some bullshit college. Let's not forget though, I spent all those years that the dumb fucks were in college....well, I spent them at home raising two beautiful children - the single most rewarding experience of my life. 

It makes me very angry that I was only seen as a piece of paper. And they deemed that piece of paper not good enough. 
It didn't matter what I had done. All that mattered was what I had NOT done. 

So another woman got hired. She was sweet. But she ran out of there as quick as lightening. She did not last a week. 

So then another girl is hired. I got looked over again. Jessica is one of the single most dumb people I have ever met. She "be" doing this and "She's" be doing that. I am not joking. THAT is who they picked. 

Some degree. An education can still leave people ignorant. 

I find myself so angry at work. So incredibly ANGRY. My attitude is one of just not caring. I feel betrayed that I invested so much but my return was so little. It's a slap in the face, every single day I go to work.

I try not to be angry with my mate for not making enough money for me to quit and stay home. 
It's hard. 
He has so much education and I make more than him. 

I need to learn to manage my anger.